Recruiter Samples

by Justine Ehlers

While searching for another job in 1997, I posted my resume on www.dice.com

Here's a sample of some of the "better" phone calls from technical recuiters:

  1. "May I speak with Justin please."
    "Justine. You're speaking with her."
    "Uhh. But I'm looking for Justin."
    "Justin is a guy's name. You add an 'e' at the end and it's a woman's name. Justine."
    The recruiter paused, checking for the "e".
    "May I speak with Justine please."

  2. "Hi, I'm John. I saw your resume on the web. What is your current salary?"
    "Uhh, I have no idea who you are and I'm supposed to tell you how much I make a year?"
    "Everybody does. It's never been a problem."
    "Well, it's a problem for me. Goodbye."

  3. "Hi. This is Joe. I had left a message regarding an opportunity. That opportunity is for a consulting engineer. It is a fulltime, permanent position. You had left me a message that you, ummm, aren't looking for any consulting positions. But this is a fulltime opportunity. Please give me a call. Looking forward to talking to you."

  4. "Hi, I'm Linda from Alaska Technical Services. I saw your resume posting on the web. Please give me a call at 1-XXX-PAY-CALL. Thanks Justine."

  5. "Hi. This is Lisa from Some Recruiting House. I have a few questions for you. Is this a good time?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you know C++?"
    "I have six years experience in it." That was on my resume.
    "Do you know UNIX?"
    "Like the resume says, I know UNIX."
    "Do you have embedded systems experience?"
    "Like the resume says, I do." This was getting old.
    "How about object-oriented?"
    "Like the resume says, I do."
    "I don't have your resume right in front of me. Thanks for your time."

  6. "Hello. Can I speak to Justine?" a man's voice spoke slowly with a thick accent.
    "You're speaking with her."
    "Justine?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you know C++?"
    "Yes. That's on my resume."
    "Do you know UNIX?"
    "Yes. That's on my resume."
    "How did you write the FORTRAN conversion program?"
    My resume read: "Re-architecting a system in C++ originally written in FORTRAN and automatically converted to C."
    "From the questions you're asking me, this is not going to work out. Goodbye."

Some of the emails were just as good as the phone calls:

  1. HI... MY NAME IS PHIL... I HAVE MANY FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITIES... MY FIRM DEALS WITH THE FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES... MY FIRM HAS LOTS OF OPPORTUNITIES...
    (In email, all caps is equivalent to shouting at someone.)

  2. Hello Justine; I saw your resume on the internet and like dyour background. I have a position with a major corp. in CA, it's a diret permaneent psotion which will require travel. The company is a major corp and the salary is around $75 - $90K. Would you be interested? Plesae reply either way.

    If interested please fax your resuem to me soon.

  3. I have a permanent position in Boston looking for a senior Architect/product architect. This is to work on a Java user interface. I have a permanent position for someone w. C/C++, Java, Corba in bayarea as well.
    If you or someone that you know are interested in these positions, please email me an updated copy of your resume in plain ascii text or/and word attachement. Please let me know the following:

    1. Availability (already posted on www.dice.com)
    2. salary range or/and rate per hour (already posted on www.dice.com)
    3. contract or permanent (already posted on www.dice.com)
    4. visa status (already posted on www.dice.com)
    5. are you willing to travel or relocate? (already posted on www.dice.com)
    6. Geographic preference (already posted on www.dice.com)