In California (especially Silicon Valley), we don't gripe about the weather--we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there), allow me to offer you:
by Justine Ehlers
| What They Say | What It Means |
|---|---|
| spacious |
hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate |
| easy access to transportation |
Particularly in Mountain View and
Sunnyvale, this can mean:
(a) in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks (c) next to a major road/freeway/highway (d) a&b, b&c, c&a above (e) all of the above |
| friendly staff | Doberman pincher mentality |
| free utilities |
That's the only way we can entice people in this dump.
Would you pay this high rent AND the water and garbage? |
| heated pool |
only when the sun's out
only when there's water in it |
| workout room | four walls, some free weights, a machine or two and a clunky stationary bike |
| great views |
overlooking the garbage dumpster
overlooking the pool overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment |
| affordable |
to:
(a) anyone with an income of $100 K (b) anyone with wealthy parents (c) anyone who is wealthy (d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing |
| "Please fill out our marketing survey." | "What?! You didn't fill out the annual income? We can't show you anything until you fill that out. You won't? I'm sorry, but we can't show you anything." |
| pets welcome |
kids aren't
we just never got the odor out |
| AEK |
All Electricity Kancelled
EEk! |
| W/D |
Will be Disgusted
Worried/Depressed people |
| AC | Atrocious Carpeting |
| WWC | Wall to Wall Crap |
| great rent bargains! |
located in East Palo Alto
(Complex insurance does not cover bullet holes in car, self-protection devices, frequent theft and/or life insurance) |
| light and airy |
built as cheap as we could
cold and drafty |
| secure parking |
the manager's apartment overlooks the parking lot
"No one's been robbed on the street." covered parking |
| move in bonus! |
no one else wants it
it hasn't been rented in six months includes last tenant's stuffed parrot |
| !!! | desperation is directly linked to the number of "!"s used |
| rustic |
classic 60's decor
nothing has been fixed since the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake outhouse is in the back only one heating vent |